52 Years of Marriage...Let's Celebrate????

2/17/2014

I know it's been a while since I posted. I've actually been posting what
is called "Dementia Chronicles" on my Facebook page. They have been a blessing to so many there. I've decided to include those entries on this blog as well.

So much has happened since my last entry. Because of her behavior (fights), mom was evicted from one nursing home and placed in another. She has a private room and is doing much better socially.

DEMENTIA CHRONICLES: Today is my parents' 52 wedding anniversary. Mom doesn't remember. Dad is living in New Orleans while mom is in an Arkansas nursing home. MARRIAGES - make the most of your marriage each day. Stop the pettiness! Prioritize your marriage. CELEBRATE and encourage your mate each day. You don't know what tomorrow holds so love, and love some more TODAY! .....Today is the first time ever that I can't tell my mom Happy Anniversary.....she doesn't remember

I can't imagine what my dad is going through today. He can't celebrate with his wife of 52 years. WOW!

This is not good - The Video

This is mom today, Oct. 24, 2013. She is having one of her "in a far country" dementia episodes. She is extremely paranoid, delusional, disoriented, combative, and uncooperative. This is saddening because I have never seen mom in this way. Cuss words were used as if she was a master cussologist. She doesn't care about who she hurts or how she talks. I really hate seeing her this way.

In life, my mom was passive. Today she exhibited an unhealthy mix of verbal aggression and  a rambunctious presentation style. This was not the day to wear your feelings on your sleeves, nor to take what she said personal. Everyone in her path was a target, and she was an out of control shooter!

I love my mom and miss her dearly!

This is Not Good!

The Nursing Home called today. Mom fell out of the bed last night and is complaining about having severe back pains. The home ordered x-rays to be done to make sure she doesn’t have complicated injuries. Unfortunately, mom was being very uncooperative. She was kicking, cussing, and not wanting the x-rays. She was so combative that I was asked to come in to talk with her. Although I was in extreme pain from knee and hip problems, I agreed to help. MISTAKE! I brought more physical pain upon myself by going to the home.

Disoriented and struggling to negotiate the turns and movements in her wheelchair, mom was almost at the front entry door when I arrived. Since she couldn’t see me as I observed for a minute and then greeted her. She was very hostile and upset with me. She believes I am working in cahoots with the nursing home. She is extremely paranoid. She also said she spoke to dad who would be picking her up. Can we say HALLUCENATIONS!

I believe she has entered another realm in her illness. It broke my heart to see her this way. Her mind is rapidly deteriorating. Observations include:

• Her using the “f” word towards me and the staff.
• Her pushing a patient in a wheelchair out of her way.
• Her aggressively approaching me with the wheelchair, not caring that she was running into me.
• Her demanding that I leave because she doesn’t like me nor wants me around.
• Her demanding that I take her outside so that she could leave.
• Stains on her pants, perhaps food. This has happened before when she becomes elusive

The home was sending her to the hospital for behavior evaluation. They wanted a family member to go with her, however, I am in no condition to drive the 35 miles, sit several hours in the ER and then suffer through admission. The home then decided to try to put her into a hospital closer. The social worker will have to stay with her until she is admitted. That’s what they get paid to do. She was just trying to get me to do her job by sitting with my mom.

Admission Drama

10/23/2013

The Nursing Home Business office called today. Thank God it wasn’t about mom’s conduct. I feel like the parent who gets the daily call from their behavioral challenged kid’s school principal.

Mom is still not officially admitted into the Nursing Home. Because she doesn’t have enough funds to pay for the monthly room, I applied for Medicaid to supplement her income. The Obamacare was probably easier to pass congress than mom’s application for Medicaid. They require an excessive amount of certified documentation including house deed, marriage license, insurance policies, bank statements, and so much more. I also had to turn my mom’s Life insurance into an irrevocable burial policy because she could not have assets. That means no inheritance for her family. SAD! Even after all of the forms I have turned in, Medicaid wants more. This process is overwhelming, frustrating, and draining. With all of this work she still could be denied. If that happens, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have no choice but to trust God!

Chilldlike mom - The Video

This was recorded after telling mom that she has to stop hitting people. She was not receptive and resorted to this “childlike” behavior. This type of behavior is common when she does not get her way, and/or is mad with me. She becomes childish and uncooperative during these moments. For me, it’s very frustrating because sometimes it is evident that she is purposely acting out. Like a child, she uses these expressions for manipulation. I usually end the visit because I don’t want her to believe she is pulling my strings. Amazingly, when she sees I’m about to leave, she’ll agree to stop acting out. MANIPULATION!

I’m A Lover, Not a Fighter

10/22/2013  

In the song “The Girl Is Mine” Michael Jackson pen’s the infamous line “I’m a lover, not a fighter.” This is not my mom’s testimony. Mom has been in the nursing home for 12 days, and today she has been moved to her not 1st, not 2nd, but 3^rd room. Why all the moves? Mom is a fighter!

In the first room, she hit her roommate. The rommie had a witness, therefore after filing an incident report, mom was moved. During my visit 3 days ago, the nurse informed me that mom hit a male resident as she entered the dining area. Yesterday, I got a call from the social worker telling me that mom not only hit her rommie, but the roomie hit her back with a vase leaving a bump on her head.  The doctor looked mom over and she appears okay. They will be running a few test to make sure she has no internal injuries.

Today, mom was moved again. The staff thought it was best to move her away from the rommie which she attacked. My mom blames those she assault for attacking her first. I find this hard to believe since she has hit me, and hit several nurses when she was hospitalized at Baptist Geriatrics. I’m hoping that medicine adjustments will adjust “the fight” in mom. If she hits another person, she will be moved to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation. I have talked to her. She was not receptive and she was very mean towards me. In an attempt to change her attitude, I told her that if she continues hitting people I wouldn’t visit as much. She said she would stop hitting people because she doesn’t want me to decrease my visits. We shall see!

My mom is stressing me out! Her violence is of great concern. I’m afraid that she will harm someone and/or get hurt. I am glad she is in a facility because I know we would not have been able to handle “Gangsta mom.” LOL!

Can’t We All Just Get Along! - Moving Day 2

10/17/2013 

Mom was admitted to Southern Trace exactly 1 week ago. Her roommate who had been hospitalized returned on Monday. During my visit on Wednesday, the rommie said that she was afraid of mom. She claims mom had clenched her fist in an attempt to hit her. She also said mom cursed her out. The roomie informed me that she wanted mom moved out. Mom said the roomie cussed her out. So who’s telling the truth? They both are. The social worker stated there was a cussing match between the two of them. That literally made me LOL!

Today, the social worker called to tell me that they would be moving mom to another room. Supposedly the rommie and one of her friends said that mom hit her in the head. Since mom can’t see, I wonder how in the world did mom accomplish that feat! She does see shadows, so it’s not impossible, however, I believe the roomie was determined to get mom out.  We’ll see how the new room goes. Glad I hadn’t hung pictures on the wall.

I told my husband today, mom is in a nursing home, yet she is still stressing me out! It’s hard to rest with the frequent phone calls from the nursing home.

After 7 days in the home, and only 3 days with a roomie, mom is moved because she and the roomie could not get along!

Here are a few pics of the facility. I pray she doesn’t get evicted.