Today, I Feel Alone

Originally Posted 8/23/2013

Life for me has drastically changed. The fourth week of July, I was on the mountaintop following a very successful and fulfilling workshop my husband and I conducted in Tennessee. God used us in a mighty way. Before we could really celebrate the weekend’s victory, the day after returning home from this awesome trip, I received disturbing news that my dad put my mom out of the house after he beat her. What really happened, we’ll probably never know. My mom has mental challenges and sometimes it is difficult for her to separate reality from imagination. I do believe my dad’s impatience, pride, and controlling nature has caused him to hurt mom far more than he has helped her and there most likely was an “incident” between them. With no options, I took my mom into my home. August 6, 2013 began a new chapter in my life story. This was the day I became a caregiver to my mom.

 It’s been 17 days of my mom living with us and 25 days since the “incident” occurred. I have experienced a range of emotion. Any life change can be stressful. I am definitely feeling the stress! I don’t resent nor regret my decision to take mom in. Her mental condition borders the line of severe and clinical. Her eyesight has failed. Caring for her is almost like taking in a newborn.  I am physically ill, and some years ago declared handicap by my doctor. I didn’t know how this new change would affect my health. So far, in spite of it all I am managing well.

Right now, I am dealing with anger. Why? I wonder where is my family .  Since “the incident” I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve spoken with my sister. I had to make the decision to take my mom in without her input because she did not return any of my phone calls. She stated her phone was not properly functioning, and I believe that, but it doesn’t erase the fact that there has been a lack of communication. My sister has often called me her “rock”, yet, I have received no emotional support. My nephew called complaining that I did not inform him about “the incident”, and not once did he ask about my own state of mind.  I thank God for my husband and children. They have been there for me.

 

So how am I feeling – alone & abandoned. But I also am concern about my mom. I wonder how does she really feel? She has gone through a very traumatic experience. She believes she has been beaten and put out of her house by her husband of 51 years. She has had to move out of her state to an unfamiliar place. She has physical and emotional pains. Yet, her “so very upset & angry with papa” grandson has not called. Her daughter has not called for her (I called her on her birthday and mother spoke with her then). Her husband has not asked to speak with her (actually, I think he’s scared & doesn’t know what to say). I’m feeling alone and abandoned. I bet my mom feels the same or worse. That makes me angry.

I love my family - my sister, and her children. Right now, I’m disappointed.