Why Am I Blogging?

My life, particularly my childhood, is full of memorable events.  Memorable, not because of pleasant and happy times, but memorable because of the lessons learned from past occurrences. Nothing just happens. Nothing in life happens by accident. God is sovereign, which means He is in total control of everything. Whatever experiences in life I’ve encountered– the good, the bad, and the ugly- I have resolved they were either God ordered or God allowed. In hindsight, I realize there were valuable lessons being taught to me over the years through difficult times in my childhood.

My father was a strict, controlling drug dealer and user. He was a crook who lived a double life. If you were to ask him who are the three most important people in your life, his answer would be "Me, Myself, and I." He was and still is a very selfish man. My mom was oftentimes passive and allowed my father to dominate her.  She never stood up for herself. She allowed my dad to go out, supposedly nightclubbing, just about every night, and not come home until after the sun rose. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to know he had to be laying his head in another's bed. My father lived in our home, but was an absentee father. We didn't take family vacations. We didn't hug. We didn't say "I love you" to one another. Heck, we were not the Cleavers or Huxtables! The theme song for the Addams Family would describe my real world:

They're creepy and they're kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They're all together ooky,
The (my family's name here) Family.

Growing up, because of his lifestyle, I believed my dad was the abusive parent. In hindsight, I see them both as abusive. My parents emotionally abused my sister and I. For most of our lives, we both struggled with low self-esteem.  Growing up, I thought my upbringing and family life was normal. Once I entered adulthood, I became bitter. Years later, I’d openly talk to my husband about my past. Now, it’s time to write what I’ve learned IN HINDSIGHT.  Therapy for me, and hopefully help for others (particularly my sister).